Saturday, 9 May 2015

May 9th 2015

When things are tough, having taken a downturn, it can be difficult to adjust. It's hard to admit just how much help you really need. Help you'd been able to do without for quite sometime. But you know in order to improve again and not make things worse, you've got to accept any help that is offered and reach out and ask for help as well.

I struggle with that. I don't like to admit I can't do things any more, no matter how difficult they are for me to do. In recent weeks I've had to do so though. I simply haven't had the energy or mobility not to.

A few weeks ago I was celebrating cooking myself a hot meal. Now I'm incredibly grateful if I manage to make myself a meal. I can just about manage to shower myself, but the exertion leaves me unable to bend to dry my legs and get any clothes on the lower half of my body; so I have to get someone to help me. I can't always bend in the morning, so I either have to use my helping hand or ask for some help from one of my parents. In the evenings I am generally too exhausted to change the clothes on my lower half, so again my parents have to help me.

This is something I find hard to accept. I miss the independence I had gotten used to having. All because this illness has robbed me of it, albeit temporarily. Because that's all this is, a temporary blip. I can't contemplate having to rely on people like this any longer than absolutely necessary, so I am determined to get better.

However I'm going to have to make some changes. To make things easier I need to compromise, to make getting dressed/changed either possible for me to do myself or just easier for my parents I'm trying to find some comfortable alternatives to leggings and jeggings which I usually wear but are difficult to get on and off right now. This has all got to be done on a budget, and I'm reluctant to radically change my wardrobe especially as leggings and jeggings keep my legs so nice and warm!

That's just one change I need to make. But if it makes life easier for now, it's a change worth making. It doesn't make it an easy change though!