Saturday, 9 February 2013

New hair, New (Old) Symptoms and lots of Sleep

I didn't chicken out! Had a good 2 or 3 inches off my hair and now have a side swept fringe! Unfortunately haven't really managed to get any pics - one just after the haircut when I was feeling particularly exhausted and it's not very good quality at all. It's taken a bit of getting used to but I like it. Really miss my longer hair though, but I can grow it back when I'm better!

I seem to have spent the majority of this week sleeping, eating and studying! Actually Monday I think I slept most of the day! But I did get out last Saturday, went into town in the wheelchair and discovered it's a much smoother ride if I sit with two Argos catalogues in the chair with me! Apparently it seems to need the weight to balance it properly, in other words I'm too light! Really need to look into buying another one, or asking my gp about it - but I just seem to forget when I go to the doctors!

Anyway I got some new boots! :D Might sound like such a little thing to get excited about but I hadn't been into town since...beginning of January or maybe end of December...and had been 'buying' some new boots since November! So this seems like a big achievement! However I haven't had the chance to wear them since I bought them! But hey ho, that time will come.

This week I've had some new, old, symptoms come back - ones I haven't had for yonks! A sign that things may be worse than I thought. My joints are hyper mobile again, which is causing a fair amount of pain and numerous problems. I'm sensitive to touch - my ribcage in particular cannot stand anything pressing against it so baggy t-shirts has been the order of the day, and lying down or sitting against anything immensely uncomfortable.

Consequently I now feel like the princess in 'The Princess and the Pea' - I had two mattress toppers on my bed, one ordinary foam, the other memory foam. Well since I wasn't able to get comfy even then, I now have a spare duvet on top of those as well!! Which is a little better but I still can't get that comfortable!

Also have a potentially new symptom (although think I probably have had it before - seem to remember getting the doctor to check it out) Some of my joints, most notably my fingers, feel swollen to me but don't look it! One of the oddest symptoms I think!

Studying is not going too badly. The current material is all online and I'm finding it a little bit of a struggle. It's also more advanced than the course, and we don't need to read it all as most is background information and not relevant to the course. But sifting through it is quite time & energy consuming. Energy I just seem to be lacking right now, I'll get there though! The worst thing...or maybe best thing...is that I'm finding it really interesting, it's just quite intense, which isn't a great combination with M.E.!

I'm trying to make some changes to my lifestyle as well at the moment. I'm currently slightly underweight and want to gain weight. However I've started eating healthier as my diet has become appalling over the past few weeks! Healthier but slightly bigger portions is my aim at the moment.

I'm also struggling a bit with pretty much everything - it all seems like such a grind. But I'm sure as I get more sleep, and finish this bit of online material for my course, things will get easier (fingers crossed!)

I've also found I'm feeling a bit anxious about things, I don't know why or how this has come about but it's there most days at some point. Perhaps I'm just overwhelmed by the situation I'm in at the moment, I mean I had hoped I'd never be back where I am with this illness. Who knows!? I feel like things are out of my control at the moment, but I will control what I can and just go with the rest.

Anyway I feel I've rambled on enough for now, apologies for the delay in posting as I've said things haven't been easy this past week and a bit, so this has been a work in progress which I have now deemed fit to be published! I hope I'm right! ;)